Write On!

              this new reality.
My poor husband was confused, over tired, and completely at a loss
to understand my reaction. Slowly I realized that I had to accept this gift
as it was given, with the love and attention with which it had been bestowed.
We returned to the pool and set the ladder in place. I was able to
climb down into the pool rather than fall in as I had before. Of course the proof
of the effectiveness of this ladder lay in my being able to get out of the pool.
At the completion of my swim, two grandsons stood at the ready.
With my husband in the pool, behind me, ready to push, lift or steady my
efforts, I prepared to leave the pool. I grasped the handrails and reached the
first step with the help of the water in which I was still immersed. My mind was
still warring with the ladder of fact, upon which I now stood, and the smaller,
more compact stairs of my imagination.
With words of encouragement from my grandsons, who had brought
my walker up to the edge of the pool, and several helpful foot lifts from my
husband, I was once again on deck, able to return to the changing room and
dress for the day.
As we drove home, the men discussed the effectiveness of the
ladder. I was quiet, for I still warred with my own interpretation of how things
should be.
" It will get easier as she gets more exercise," was the conclusion of
these learned gentlemen.
They were right, of course. It did get more comfortable. I became
accustomed to the reality of the situation, and my body responded to the
exercise I was able to enjoy in the pool.
To swim was necessary for my physical and mental health. To adapt
to being handicapped is an on going battle. I hope I never give in, but continue
to strive for independence and the ability to walk again.
It was easier to recognize the stiffness of my body, than to
acknowledge the obstinate nature of my mind. Is it growing old that dulls my
ability for versatility, or is it the lack of willingness on my part to accept that
which I no longer can control?
I am thankful for a husband who cares, and I pray that I may remain a
caring person in return. To swim or not to swim was not the question. When I
could no longer walk alone, swimming became necessary to prevent further
deterioration of my teg muscles. The question became, " How could I access
the swimming pool?"
The answer revealed a hardening of my heart, a handicapped mind
with a stubbornness of purpose that needed to give. It needed to be exercised
by receiving the gift that was offered, and acknowledging the love that
accompanied it.
I have teamed that it is easier to recognize the twists and deformities
that affect our physical appearance, than to recognize the deformities that
twist and turn our hearts. I thank God for a caring family, and am now
prepared to exercise my mind and heart as well as my body. O