Write On!

              In a time of grief you may notice that your ability to concentrate, plan
and think is impaired. This is temporary. You are under stress and strong
feelings impair cognitive thought process. Explain to those around you that
you may not remember. Make notes of important things and ask family and
friends to repeat and remind. It's sensible, at this time, to avoid making any
big, life changing decisions.
Understanding that grief is a process rather than a permanent
condition may help you express your feelings. Remember that each person
grieves in their own way at their own speed. You may feel that others are not
grieving as much or as deeply. Remember that, even if others are suffering
from the same loss/ experience, they will not likely feel exactly as you do, and
may be at a different stage in their grieving. This does not mean that they are
less sad or that either of you are grieving ' wrong'. How you feel at this time is
right for ypji. Don't try to judge your feelings or reactions by others' and don't
judge theirs by yours. There are no ' normal' time lines on any one phase or
stage of the grieving process. Be assured that your grief is normal for you.
Only in cases where you are severely depressed or suicidal or cannot
progress past a certain point in the process is it anything to worry about.
Professional help is readily available. Don't hesitate to ask.
It is not uncommon for those grieving to discover untapped creativity.
Many have reported a new- found ability to paint or write. Try to give yourself a
chance to express your feeling in these ways. Creative pursuits often allow
feelings to emerge that might otherwise have been too deeply buried to even
remember. Creativity may assist in rebuilding your self- esteem and, perhaps,
develop a new aspect of ' self'.
For some, grieving may develop a new or deeper commitment to their
faith. Others may feel they have lost their faith. If this is a concern, talk to a
spiritual adviser and be honest about how you feel. The bottom line is to talk
out your grief with someone. If the first person you connect with, friend or
professional, is not someone to whom you can relate, keep looking for
someone who is tolerant, nonjudgmental and has the patience to listen to your
confusion. Dr. Ronna Jeune, author of Coming Back From Life's Hardships,
warns, Talking it out is important and should not be put off because of fear of
others' reactions". You are undergoing a major crisis in your life and it is
natural that you may now question many things that you have previously taken
for granted. Talk it out.
Know that you will heal. Maybe not today or even tomorrow, but one
day you will awake and this will not be the first thing on your mind. One day
you will see a sunset, hear a bird, feel a breeze on your face or smell a flower
and it will be a good thing. One day you will see sunshine and happiness and
not feel guilt for enjoying them. One day you will remember the happy times of
your loved one's life, not just the pain of his death. It cannot be rushed but it
will come. Your life will go on. You will recover. •
Bibliography: *
Learning to Live With Loss", by Karen Martin
" Coming Back from Lite's Hardships" by Ronna Jeune, Ph. D
Stony Plain & District Victims'Services Unit Handbook