Write On!

              EDGAR: I didn't even have time for tea before the car came to take me to
Heathrow. Of course, once I got there, it was wait, wait and wait! It was so
confusing... people hurrying every which way... a babble of unrecognizable
languages... you don't know what that was like!
ALEX: ( quietly but with a tone of disgust) Yeh... Lunderstand.
EDGAR: What was that, young man?
ALEX: Ahhh ... please pass the ham.
( With a sharp look at Alexander, Rick passes the ham).
RICK: Go ahead, Edgar.
EDGAR: Yes. Well, when I finally got on board the plane and we took off for
Canada, I really enjoyed the flight. Jolly young birds flitting around, bringing
my tea and crumpets, answering my every need. It was grand! ... BOAC, of
course.
NICOLAS: But doesn't a plane fly too high for birds?
RICK: Shhhhh
NICOLAS -.( obviously confused but resigned to not finding out). Sorry.
( As Edgar's story continues, the boys appear alternately confused, bored and
amused but, eventually, as it drags on, they start to fidget. Rick & Louise give
them an occasional hard look which settles them for a short time, but soon
they are again restless.)
EDGAR: It was a long plane ride, but eventually the pilot announced that we
would scon drop down to Edmonton. I collected my satchel and my brollie and
followed the rest of the blokes getting off. Customs was quite crowded and
confusing. ( You do hire a lot of foreigners in government posts, don't you?)
But, once I got out of there I whistled up a hack and he drove me up to the Inn
where I'm staying.
LOUISE: So what do you think of Edmonton?
EDGAR: ( as he speaks, his attitude becomes increasingly more
condescending) It has certainly been an eye- opener for me. I really didn't
know there were cities of this size in the colonies. The Inn is quite comfortable,
actually, but the cafeteria menu .... Appalling!... What are per.. o... ghies? and
ca.. cha.. tory? ( both items pronounced slowly and badly)
Why, for breakfast today I asked for bangers and mash and the bird looked at
me like I was a foreigner! For lunch I ordered a chop and the server asked
how I'd like my potatoes," home fries, French fries, trucker fries, baked,
roasted or mashed". When I suggested that I would like just plain chips, she
brought me a blasted bag of crisps! ... And what, in the name of Mary, is
poo... tine?
LOUISE: Oh, that's a French- Canadian dish. It's French fries covered with
cheese curd and gravy. It's really quite popular here.
EDGAR: Sounds nauseating.
RICK: ( pacifying tone ) Well, we're glad you're here. Will you be in town
long?
EDGAR: Yes, I plan to stay a couple weeks as I have some custom to
promote. Maybe in that time I will grow accustomed to your strange way of
speaking and quaint customs.
LOUISE: I see we're finished dinner...