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              GRIEF AND RECOVERY
To Understand the Phases of Grief
and Proceed Towards Recovery
Marilee Kosik, Darwell W. l.
2nd Place, Non- Fiction, Essay, 2002
Grief is the natural and necessary reaction to loss. Loss of a job,
divorce ( loss of a family), loss of a pet, moving ( loss of a lifestyle and friends)
and loss of health and/ or mobility are all very real causes of grief in varying
degrees, but in this paper we will center our attention on the grieving caused
by death of a friend or loved one. We will discuss the different aspects of
grieving you may expect to experience and some strategies to aid you in
learning to cope and, ultimately, recover.
Because the reaction to loss is a very personal one, not everyone will
grieve in the same way or within the same time frame. Although there are
some common reactions or ' stages', you may or may not experience them all.
You may experience them in a different order than listed and you may
experience them in varying degrees of intensity. Understanding these stages
and the universality of some reactions and feelings may prepare you for them
and bring assurance that, generally, they are quite normal. Knowing them will
not make the pain go away, but may help you understand your feelings and
friends to understand and help.
Your first reaction to a death may be shock, disbelief and/ or denial. In
the case of an accidental or sudden death this is more common but even
when you know death is imminent your mind may still try to deny the awful
reality. This is a normal reaction; denial acts as an emotional shock absorber.
The death is too much to accept all at once so, in order to cope, your mind will
accept small parts at a time and deny the rest until it is ready to accept
another piece of reality. It will take time and no one, not even you, can force
acceptance of reality until your body and mind are ready. Physical reactions at
this stage may include a tight feeling in your throat, which makes swallowing
difficult, experience a choking sensation and inability to catch a breath and
even suffer flu- like' symptoms such as muscle aches and severe exhaustion.
As reality sets in and waves of grief wash over you, you may find yourself
unable to quit crying or crying at unusual times. Be assured that this is normal
and, that for most people, crying is a healthy release of pain. This stage may
last only moments or much longer.
As the original numbness of shock wears off, you may be barraged
with waves of very strong emotions. Your thoughts and feelings may bounce
around uncontrollably; some emotions may be so strong as to be frightening or
so unacceptable as to be embarrassing. Remember, your whole being has
had a severe blow and it is reeling so, however you feel is how, at this time,
you must feel and is perfectly normal.
Some people find that the most difficult emotion to accept or
understand is anger. Anger may be directed towards ourselves for the things
we did or didnt do for, or words we did or didnt say to, the deceased.